Leadership has been a two-edged sword for me; all my life. As a kid, I was seen as “bossy”; yet I was always the one everyone turned to when something needed to be organized, created or manifested! Sometimes, even then, I felt like I was “alone out front”. At the same time, being a leader came very naturally to me. (For now, we will skip the introspection/examination of my need for control…we’ll save that for another blog!). So organize and lead, I did. Almost like I had to. I was in charge of neighborhood summer talent shows (with tickets, seating, costumes, programs and refreshments!) our little play “store” (complete with bags and price tags) and our restaurant (I vividly remember the great pleasure with which I saved and spent my allowance on the napkins we thought were essential!).
At 15, I took over the disorder in the Band director’s office (much to his delight!) and began a 4-year “career” of organizing the band, drill team and majorettes to get us to all of our trips and performances. (150 kids, buses, uniforms, gear, places to sleep…).
Fast forward to 1999. After re-locating to the Central Coast to create San Luis Obispo Center, I began to long for collaborators. Although my vision was really clear, it felt like something (someone?) was missing. First, I connected with the Spirit of QuietStar (the angels, guides and other non-physical energies at the heart of the creation) in a conscious way, and things began to get clearer. Soon after, I met Bob. He immediately felt drawn to be part of everything I was doing; first assisting me in classes and events, then taking on parts of the creation as his own, adding his own ideas and energy. QuietStar could grow, and I could breathe again. I felt such a relief - and so much support. In fact with each person who came into QuietStar, I felt more at ease. With each step of the development of our group here, it became more clear what a co-creation this was going to be. I discovered more about co-creation; how to be part of a team. But still, I was the leader. I liked collaboration, that was clear. What was next?
In 2008, I was driving home from an amazing trip in the Pacific Northwest. I had spent 3 weeks staying with friends and friends of friends, people I knew through QuietStar or earlier times in my life. It was amazing. Each place I went, I felt the threads that join us all, and a powerful sense of the Web of Life began to come into focus. Back in SLO, others kept QuietStar moving forward. It was the longest I had been away, and I felt a bit like a mom leaving her baby. QuietStar was going through another growth spurt.
I was driving home, through Southern Oregon when it hit me: QuietStar was not “mine” anymore!! It was OURS! I felt “that shiver” go through me….and I knew this was Truth. But I had no idea what that really meant.
It was huge for me. After years of being the one who received the vision and created the structure, it all began to change. Now, I could get pieces of the vision, half of the picture, but never the whole thing. At first this was frustrating and disconcerting. I knew the paradigm of leadership was changing for me, but I couldn’t see what was coming.
Soon after returning, I began the process of creating the non-profit, “church” that I knew was wanting to be born. I filed the papers, and received the letter from the State making it official.
It’s important to note that by this time, QuietStar’s Core Team had grown to include 20 practitioners and volunteers, co-creating a full schedule of workshops and events, and our Store was filled with books, music, essential oils and other goodies for the transformational path. Many people had discovered “us”! In all this, I knew QuietStar was trying to grow, and was feeling a bit frustrated by my inability to fully shift into the community co-creation QuietStar was clearly trying to become.
I began to ask for help; to call in allies.
And then I took a walk with my neighbor, who was completing a book. She asked how I was doing, and I felt the frustration and the tears spill out. (I always like to focus on the positive; I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction…but clearly, this all wanted to be said!) I loved the gleam in her eye when she said, “That’s it…the new paradigm! You are right in the middle of the shift to collaborative leadership, and you feel the same way many people do!” I cried harder. I wasn’t cracked or incompetent. I was just on the leading edge, making it up as I went along, and didn’t even realize it. Relief! Breath! This friend was Delia Horwitz, and the book, “Collaborative Soup.” She continued to tell me that everything I was describing pointed to the new collaborative style of leadership. Her explanation was that many “conscious” people were having the same issues; she and Paula (co-author) had discovered and developed tools for this process. The biggest thing she told me that day is that QuietStar knows what it wants to become; we just need to nurture it! Delia offered to help me (and QuietStar) make this shift.
Since then, Delia has continued to support my understanding of collaboration. I am delighted that she will be sharing her wisdom with us at this Sunday’s Vortex at QuietStar. Bring your questions about your own collaborations (in process or wanting to start), and we’ll share in the delight of the discovery.
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